Yes, I am still alive. And, yes, I feel weirdly guilty about it.
1 May. 2008
I write the occasional entry about amusing, annoying, or just plain strange tidbits I find in my server logs, but the last couple of days I noticed something unusual that quickly turned downright depressing. I've received a number of hits from multiple users from the ISP Bresnan, a little operation out of Purchase, NY. I was a bit baffled at first as to why all of these people from Purchase were finding me by searching for my name (they mostly arrived via Google by searching for "Alexis Turner"), until I noticed that a couple of the searches included the terms "suicide" and "passed away."
I don't know who this anonymous Alexis was, although I did manage to find an obit finally. But I feel sad for her in a way I wouldn't if we didn't share a purely arbitrary connection on our names. Part of me feels awfully guilty that I am still alive with nothing better to do than poke about my server logs. I feel like I ought to at least be making something or living or reading...or...well...anything besides sitting here on this damn computer.